That’s Life

Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied, “My husband’s cheque book !!”

******

A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called
‘Husband – the Master of the House?’"
Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”

******

Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your
wife – darling, honey, luv. What’s the secret?"
Old man:  “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her."

******

Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an
anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription...
Simply showing marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not
enough!"

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For MEN.....and WOMEN with a bit of humour??
A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink
& the best woman ever. Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.

******

There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make Wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see Wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened!

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Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument.

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Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, compared to men?
A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife!"

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COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE:  Dear Mother-in-law,
Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!

******

When a married man says,  "I WILL THINK ABOUT IT" - what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

******

A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his
sleep!  What should I give him to cure it?"
The doctor replies:  "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's
awake! "

*Enjoy*  😄😄🤣🤣

What is Men like?

😂😂😂
Quote of the day:

Men are like shoe Laces
They enter many holes before they tie the knot !!

After tying the knot they are like Belts,  They see many holes but eventually put it in the same hole every day.
😂😂😂

Idiot Sightings

Here s a compilation of idiocy among Msians ..Not sure if it s meant to make us laugh or cry ...😂

MALAYSIAN IDIOT SIGHTINGS

IDIOT SIGHTING 1:

Idiot Sighting 1

I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a RM5 note.

Our total was RM4.25, so I also handed her 25sen.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat  my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25sen, and said 'We're sorry  but we don't do that kind of thing.'

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 sen in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD's in Bangsar.

IDIOT SIGHTING 2:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said,

'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used that repairman since.

Happened in PJ.

IDIOT SIGHTING 3:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local council to request the removal of the CHILDREN CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many kids  are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them   to be crossing anymore.'

School in Trengganu

IDIOT SIGHTING 4:

My daughter went to a takeaway and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Malacca ......

IDIOT SIGHTING 5:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

This happened at KLIA

IDIOT SIGHTING 6:

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.  I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee

IDIOT SIGHTING 7:

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'

His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

Perodua Dealership , Kulai

STAY ALERT! .................... They walk amongst us...!🧠👀🙇‍♀🙇🏻‍♂😂

Happy Father’s Day

📢 5 year old son.....after reading story of a king.....

Son:......Mom, I also want 3 wives.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And which one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you....Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son

Mom:...but who will sleep with your  3 wives

Son:....Let them sleep with daddy...

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son ! 😂😆

*To all fathers!*
💞 *Happy Father’s day* 💞

On buying a car

A retired man visited a BMW showroom where the demo model 325i Convertible was on a clearance sale to make way for new models.

While he was considering the purchase, it was sold to an attractive young lady at a sizable discount.

The retiree was upset. He reprimanded the salesman, _"Young man, how can you sell this car to this young lady while I’m considering it? And you insisted there was no discount!”_

The salesman took a deep breath and cleared his throat,
_"Well, what can I say? She made a quick decision, paid cash and didn't need any loan. Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?"_

The young woman walked over to the retiree and handed him the car keys.

_"Here you are,"_ she said. _"I promise you I can a better price. See you later for dinner. Dad. Happy Father's Day!"_

Don't mess around with seniors.

These are trying times

*WE LIVE IN VERY INTERESTING AND FUNNY TIMES*
.
*1.* *We live in times where we see many humans, but not humanity.*

*2.* *We live in times where the rich has more rooms than children and the poor has more children than rooms.*

*3.* *We live in times where smart phones bring you closer to those who are far, but distance you from those who are closer.*

*4.* *We live in times where we open Facebook, more than Holy Book;*

*5.* *We live in times where a single mother can look after 10 children, but 10 children can't look after a single mother;*

*6.* *We live in times where the rich walk miles to digest food, while the poor walk miles to search for food;*

*7.* *We live in times where women are paid to be naked, while others have no clothes to cover their nakedness.*

*8.* *We live in times where our contact lists are huge, but our relationships are poor*

*9.* *We live in times where our possessions are more, but our appreciation is less;*

*10.* *We live in times where we know how to earn a good living, but somehow forget how to live good;*

*11.* *We live in times where many know the price of everything, but not the value of anything*

*Indeed, we live in a strange world.*

*May God help and Guide Us in our daily life*

Just had to share this with everyone

Plane full of madmen

😂😂😂
A pilot was told to transfer mad people from Nigeria to U.S.A. He agreed and carried them in his plane. Every place was so noisy.

Later one of the mad men approached the pilot and said to him "pls can you teach me how to fly the aeroplane?

The pilot replied, I will teach you how to fly if you will tell your friends to stop making noise.

The mad man went in, after some minutes, every where was silent as if an angel entered the plane. After some minutes the mad man came back and told him that everywhere was cool now. The pilot became happy and asked WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM THAT MADE THEM TO KEEP CALM.

  The mad man replied, I opened the door for them to go and play outside.
The pilot fainted. 😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

Don't just laugh alone.
😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃... Kindly Make sure that You Make Someone Happy Today...

A donation

Points to ponder about Life

This is only sent to those who are believed to have the mental capacity to comprehend the meaning of these statements.
It requires a real deep thinker to grasp these most important facts of life.

9 Points to Ponder

Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6 - Men have two emotions :
Hungry and Horny, and you can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, try first  make him a sandwich. If that does not work , well then good luck to you.

Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took drugs to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take anti depressants to make it normal.

Number 1 - Life is like a jar of mirchi chutney. What you enjoy today might burn your ass tomorrow.

...and as someone recently said to me :

Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long!!!
😉😉😜😜

Eden on the Park

A seniors lifestyle resort in Kota Samarahan. Just next to the golf course. Ideal place for retirement?

All about Perfumes

Grandma was taking a lift to the 8th floor.

The lift stopped at 1st floor and a beautiful lady walked in. The fragrance from her body was so strong that grandma cannot help but asked:
Grandma: "Wow! Such wonderful fragrance!"
Lady: "BULGARI,
RM100 a bottle."

The lift stopped again at the 6th floor and another beautiful lady walked in. This time, her fragrance is much stronger than the first.
Grandma: "Wow, wow. This is even much better!!!"
Lady 2: "GUCCI, more than RM200 a bottle!"

Upon reaching the 8th floor, grandma farted just before she got out of the lift. The smell was so strong that the two ladies almost vomitted.

Ladies: : “Auntie, what's that strong smell?"
Grandma: "MUSANGKING, RM300 a kg!!!"
😜🤣🇲🇾

On being drunk

A police patrol parked outside Rickety Pub noticed a man leaving the bar intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes. The police officer was patiently observing.

The man tried his keys on six different cars. Finally, he located his own car and fell into it.

He was there for a while as other men left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, flicked the hazard lights, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved his car forward, reversed a little, and then remained stationary as more patrons left in their vehicles.

When almost everyone left Rickety, he started to drive.

The police officer started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights and pulled the man over. He performed a breathalyser test.

Surprisingly, the breathalyzer showed no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all.

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "Please accompany me to the Police Station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"Tonight, I'm the decoy. They all got away!" replied the man.
😂