We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:
We have silver in our hair.
We have gold in our teeth.
We have stones in our kidneys.
We have lead in our feet and........................
We are loaded with natural gas.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Hapeeee deeepaaavaali
After 48 years of marriage, an elderly millionaire man in Bombay calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Bombay immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "It's all set. They're both coming for Deepavali and paying their own airfare!!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Bombay immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "It's all set. They're both coming for Deepavali and paying their own airfare!!"
Cold Water
Please be a true friend and share this article with all the friends you care about.
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer.
It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep.
Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive. A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
Read this & Send the link to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and share this article with all the friends you care about.
Its never late....
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer.
It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep.
Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive. A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
Read this & Send the link to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and share this article with all the friends you care about.
Its never late....
Starting the day on a high
A contribution from Stephen,
Open a new file in your PC.
Name it " Boss ".
Send it to the RECYCLE BIN. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently? "
Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
Feel better?
HAVE A NICE DAY!
Open a new file in your PC.
Name it " Boss ".
Send it to the RECYCLE BIN. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently? "
Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
Feel better?
HAVE A NICE DAY!
Husband wanted
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum - What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough. I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Signed: Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money":
Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason.
The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much less 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".
Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me.
Signed: A. Richman
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough. I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Signed: Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money":
Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason.
The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much less 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".
Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me.
Signed: A. Richman
Live Life
Life is fragile , Life is short.
Do not take Life for granted. Live a balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny
Do not take Life for granted. Live a balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny
Food for thought
A long time ago, there was an Emperor who told his horseman that if he could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he likes, then the Emperor would give him the area of land he has covered.
Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible. Came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was exhausted and was dying.
Then he asked himself, "Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself."
The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health, time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love. One day when we look back we will realize that we don't really need that much , but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.
Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition . Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life. Life is a balance of Work and Play , Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life.
Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your nstincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence.
So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature.
Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible. Came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was exhausted and was dying.
Then he asked himself, "Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself."
The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health, time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love. One day when we look back we will realize that we don't really need that much , but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.
Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition . Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life. Life is a balance of Work and Play , Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life.
Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your nstincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence.
So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature.
Useless things that are important to some
Then there is this lady who likes to send me useless informations. Some examples appended below................
1. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
2. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
3. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
4. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
5. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
6. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
7. The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MUSTACHE
8. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
9. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
10. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
11. Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
12. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first ' Marlboro Man.
13. PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
14. The three most valuable brand names on earth: ? - Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
15. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
16. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
17. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
18. And the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)
1. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
2. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
3. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
4. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
5. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
6. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
7. The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MUSTACHE
8. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
9. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
10. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
11. Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
12. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first ' Marlboro Man.
13. PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
14. The three most valuable brand names on earth: ? - Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
15. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
16. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
17. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
18. And the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)
Can People be this stupid 2?
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power ............a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power ............a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
Cna people be this stupid?
This is an actual call centre conversations !!!!!
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre"
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours"
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre"
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours"
History Mystery
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy huh?
Hey, this is one history lesson most people probably will not mind reading!
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy huh?
Hey, this is one history lesson most people probably will not mind reading!
Thinking outside the box
It pays to think outside the box! We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then.' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! We've been around the block more than once .......................
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then.' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! We've been around the block more than once .......................
Friday, February 6, 2009
Beware - the dangers of handphones
This email received from Peter of Aberdeen........
I have just received the following story. Good lessons therein. Therfore, I thought you might like to know also.
This lady changed her habit on the handphone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag containing her mobile, credit card, purse..etc....was stolen. Some 20 mins later, she called her hubby telling him what happened.
Husband says "I've just received your SMS asking about our Pin number. And I've replied a little while ago".
They rushed down to the bank where the Bank staff told them all their $ have already been withdrawn.
The pickpocket have actually used the stolen handphone to sms "hubby" and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 mins, he has withdrawn all the money from the bank account.
Morale of the Story;
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using name like Home, Honey, Hubby, sweetheart, Dad, Mum etc......
Take care mate.
I have just received the following story. Good lessons therein. Therfore, I thought you might like to know also.
This lady changed her habit on the handphone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag containing her mobile, credit card, purse..etc....was stolen. Some 20 mins later, she called her hubby telling him what happened.
Husband says "I've just received your SMS asking about our Pin number. And I've replied a little while ago".
They rushed down to the bank where the Bank staff told them all their $ have already been withdrawn.
The pickpocket have actually used the stolen handphone to sms "hubby" and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 mins, he has withdrawn all the money from the bank account.
Morale of the Story;
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using name like Home, Honey, Hubby, sweetheart, Dad, Mum etc......
Take care mate.
7%
A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said, 'God , I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'
God led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it easy to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand..'
'It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%. That's why you are reading this. Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!.
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves ..
God led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it easy to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, 'I don't understand..'
'It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'
Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%. That's why you are reading this. Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!.
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves ..
Brother Wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....
Anger Management
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
'Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .
'Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Man Rules!
Received from Renuga
We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1 Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Rugby, Soccer or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight...But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh
We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1 Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Rugby, Soccer or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight...But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh
Take time to live......
Someone send me this thought provoking email...........
Quote
A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package.
'This, he said isn't any ordinary package.' He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. 'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.
He turned to me and said:'Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion'.
I still think those words changed my life.
Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day... I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.
I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.
If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about. If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days' remember that 'One day' is far away... or might never come...No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it. It holds useful messages for the soul. Don't keep this message to yourself, it's to share.Try and pass this Tantra on to people you care about within 96 hours.
Unquote
I do hope you find this story enlightening. If so, share it with friends..................
Quote
A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package.
'This, he said isn't any ordinary package.' He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. 'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.
He turned to me and said:'Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion'.
I still think those words changed my life.
Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day... I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.
I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.
If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about. If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days' remember that 'One day' is far away... or might never come...No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it. It holds useful messages for the soul. Don't keep this message to yourself, it's to share.Try and pass this Tantra on to people you care about within 96 hours.
Unquote
I do hope you find this story enlightening. If so, share it with friends..................
Courtroom Drama
This is almost certainly an urban myth...but who cares!
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘ Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘ Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’
Does this makes sense?
and received from Mr. Yong........
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other! (I think I better stop smoking!)
MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
DIVORCE: Future Tense of Marriage
LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either
CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage
CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read
SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth
ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes
ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions
PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river
OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY
MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!
FATHER: A banker provided by nature
CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught
BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later
DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with bills
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other! (I think I better stop smoking!)
MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
DIVORCE: Future Tense of Marriage
LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either
CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage
CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read
SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth
ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes
ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions
PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river
OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY
MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!
FATHER: A banker provided by nature
CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught
BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later
DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with bills
Giving up on wine
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?
''No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.
''Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!
''Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine..'
''No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.
''Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!
''Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine..'
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Silence is Golden
From Yong..........
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for RM20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than 30 years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly RM1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over RM2 million. She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you'.
That's when she shot him.
MEN just don't know when to keep their damn mouth SHUT!!! sometimes......
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for RM20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than 30 years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly RM1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over RM2 million. She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you'.
That's when she shot him.
MEN just don't know when to keep their damn mouth SHUT!!! sometimes......
The Government
From Richard.....
No matter what your party is, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him . He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed .
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit'
No matter what your party is, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him . He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed .
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit'
Buying a Bra
Customer : my wife needs a bra but, i didn’t know the size.
Sales Girl : touch my breast and try to calculate.
Customer : oh ! i forgot she needs panties too....
Sales Girl : touch my breast and try to calculate.
Customer : oh ! i forgot she needs panties too....
The Bull
A man takes his wife to the stock show.
They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The fed-up man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."
They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The fed-up man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."
Thought for the day
If we celebrate the years behind us, they become stepping stones of strength and joy for the years ahead.
Take care and best of health and happiness for the new year.
Take care and best of health and happiness for the new year.
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