(to women) pls take time to ponder.........
(to men) enjoy the story............
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question was - What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man. And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone - the princess, the priests, the wise men........and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, but Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
'What a woman really wants?' She said, 'is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was.The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half.
'Which would you prefer?' She asked him. 'Beautiful during the day .... or at night?'
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch! Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day? But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?
(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below: BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?
hmmmmmmmmm.........
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now... what is the moral to this story?
The moral is........................
There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is !
If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.
So, always remember - IT'S EITHER 'HER WAY' OR IT'S 'NO WAY' !!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Why Science should be in English
This is because the whole world uses the language as an IT language and business. How dangerous it will be if we try to use Bahasa, especially in school.
See example below:-
Hardware = barangkeras
Software = baranglembut
Joystick = batang gembira
Plug and Play = cucuk dan main
Port = lubang
Server = pelayan
Client = pelanggan
Try to translate this:
ENGLISH:That server gives a plug and play service to the client using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client.
Now in BAHASA:Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.
WHAAT? you don't say...
See example below:-
Hardware = barangkeras
Software = baranglembut
Joystick = batang gembira
Plug and Play = cucuk dan main
Port = lubang
Server = pelayan
Client = pelanggan
Try to translate this:
ENGLISH:That server gives a plug and play service to the client using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client.
Now in BAHASA:Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.
WHAAT? you don't say...
Improve your Word Power 2
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for commonwords. And the winners are:
Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one hasgained.
Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only anightgown.
Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been runover by a steamroller.
Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline..
Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies uponto the roof and gets stuck there.
Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one hasgained.
Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only anightgown.
Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been runover by a steamroller.
Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline..
Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies uponto the roof and gets stuck there.
Improve your Word Power 1
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition,
The winners:
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subjectfinancially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until yourealize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the personwho doesn't get it.
Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all thesereally bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the dayconsuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido : All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when theycome at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you'veaccidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into yourbedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in thefruit you're eating.
The winners:
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subjectfinancially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until yourealize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the personwho doesn't get it.
Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all thesereally bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the dayconsuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido : All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when theycome at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you'veaccidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into yourbedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in thefruit you're eating.
The Euro Language
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
A Barber in NY
The Barber in New York from Alice.
There was once a very good barber in NEW YORK. He gives Free Haircut to everybody who comes into his shop to have their haircuts.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door .
A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The Singaporean software engineer is very happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there............
Can you guess?
Come on, think like a Singaporean....have you got the answer ........... ?????
come on ............. guessguessguess..................................................
a dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!
Hahahahahahahahaha
There was once a very good barber in NEW YORK. He gives Free Haircut to everybody who comes into his shop to have their haircuts.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door .
A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The Singaporean software engineer is very happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there............
Can you guess?
Come on, think like a Singaporean....have you got the answer ........... ?????
come on ............. guessguessguess..................................................
a dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!
Hahahahahahahahaha
Working Tips for 2009
1) Do not get into trouble
2) Aim for greater heights
3) Stay focus on your job
4) Exercise to maintain good health
5) Practice Team work
6) Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back
7) Save for rainy days
8) Rest and relax
9) Always smile when your boss is around
10) Nothing is impossible
2) Aim for greater heights
3) Stay focus on your job
4) Exercise to maintain good health
5) Practice Team work
6) Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back
7) Save for rainy days
8) Rest and relax
9) Always smile when your boss is around
10) Nothing is impossible
School Days
Here are some sayings from School.....forwarded by Stephen. Smile!
Teacher: 'What is your name?'
Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'
Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'
Student: 'My name is Sunlight.
Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'My name is Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: 'What kind of a name is this? Don't joke....... tell me the right name'
Student: 'My name is Sunderlal Chadda."
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.
Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday
Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? '
Johnny: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'
Teacher:How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Teacher: 'What is your name?'
Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'
Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'
Student: 'My name is Sunlight.
Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'My name is Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: 'What kind of a name is this? Don't joke....... tell me the right name'
Student: 'My name is Sunderlal Chadda."
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.
Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday
Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? '
Johnny: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'
Teacher:How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Butt Measurement
Thanks Richard for the nice afternoon scene.
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
"Your butt is getting really big.......I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the Barbecue grill."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right.........your butt is two inches wider than our barbecue grill!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big grill for one lousy little sausage?"
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
"Your butt is getting really big.......I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the Barbecue grill."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right.........your butt is two inches wider than our barbecue grill!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big grill for one lousy little sausage?"
The different sexes.
PHOTOCOPIERS
These are female, because once turned off...it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TYRES
Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object... because to get them to go anywhere...you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES
These are female...because they are soft...squeezable and retain water.
From Ah Lor.
These are female, because once turned off...it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TYRES
Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object... because to get them to go anywhere...you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES
These are female...because they are soft...squeezable and retain water.
From Ah Lor.
Why I like Golf!
Contributed by Kiddo.
In My Hand I Hold a Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree! Or Take A Swim!
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls......................A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid.
In My Hand I Hold a Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree! Or Take A Swim!
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls......................A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Pass the Butter?
There is a Chinese Proverb which says: 'When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others."
Yes, pass The Butter...please. This is interesting. . .
DO YOU KNOW the difference between margarine and butter? Read on to the end... gets very interesting!
Both have the same amount of calories. Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams. Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.
Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods. Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added! Bu tter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods. Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.
And now, for Margarine....Very high in trans-fatty acids. Triple risk of coronary heart disease.Increases total cholesterol and LDL(this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol) Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold. Lowers quality of breast milk. Decreases immune response. Decreases insulin response. And here's the most disturbing fact.... Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC.. This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).
Try this experiment - leave a tub of margarine in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:
* No flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)
* it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it.
Even those teeny weeny micro organisms will not find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic! Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?
Share This With Your Friends.....(If you want to 'butter them up')! Alice shared this with me.
Yes, pass The Butter...please. This is interesting. . .
DO YOU KNOW the difference between margarine and butter? Read on to the end... gets very interesting!
Both have the same amount of calories. Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams. Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.
Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods. Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added! Bu tter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods. Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.
And now, for Margarine....Very high in trans-fatty acids. Triple risk of coronary heart disease.Increases total cholesterol and LDL(this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol) Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold. Lowers quality of breast milk. Decreases immune response. Decreases insulin response. And here's the most disturbing fact.... Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC.. This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).
Try this experiment - leave a tub of margarine in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:
* No flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)
* it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it.
Even those teeny weeny micro organisms will not find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic! Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?
Share This With Your Friends.....(If you want to 'butter them up')! Alice shared this with me.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Tap on the Driver
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
3 Feelings
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
Adam and Eve
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.
One Hole Behind
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, 'I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.'
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, 'I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.'
Once again he thanked her. He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, 'Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for you help.'
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He as ked what she sold.
She replied, 'If I told you, you would only laugh.'
'No, I wouldn't,' he said.
She said, 'I sell tampons.' With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, 'See, I knew you would laugh.'
'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied. 'I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you.
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, 'I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.'
Once again he thanked her. He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, 'Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for you help.'
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He as ked what she sold.
She replied, 'If I told you, you would only laugh.'
'No, I wouldn't,' he said.
She said, 'I sell tampons.' With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, 'See, I knew you would laugh.'
'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied. 'I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you.
Those Brave Men....
Joe, I must agree with you......this is pretty hilarious....but no comments on this actual events heheheh. Thanks for sharing!
ALL LADIES MUST READ THIS! One heck of a story written by a guy whose name will forever remain anonymous.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart before...until now. Read on.............
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHA T??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Alright Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.
Men, forward this if you have BALLS !!!!
ALL LADIES MUST READ THIS! One heck of a story written by a guy whose name will forever remain anonymous.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart before...until now. Read on.............
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHA T??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Alright Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway.
Men, forward this if you have BALLS !!!!
Divorce vs Murder
Another one from Richard.
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now, that's different............................... You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now, that's different............................... You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Butt Measurement
Recently received from Richard.
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
"Your butt is getting really big.......I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the Barbecue grill."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right.........your butt is two inches wider than our barbecue grill!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big grill for one lousy little sausage?"
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
"Your butt is getting really big.......I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the Barbecue grill."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right.........your butt is two inches wider than our barbecue grill!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big grill for one lousy little sausage?"
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