theJOKERat2219: April 2014

Sunday, April 27, 2014

I Just Love Lil' Johnny

Take 1
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little Johnny says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little Johnny replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

Take 2
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' and I said '6', replies Little Johnny.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the fxxkin' difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'

Take 3 - on Learning English
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Johnny says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful..'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

Take 4 - on Learning Grammar
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day.

All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.

He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'

The teacher replied, 'Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.

The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'

Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'

Take 5 - on Grammar again
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Johnny.

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful!''

Take 6 - On Getting Older
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little Johnny replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little Johnny answered, 'No, he minded his own fuckin' business."

During Pregnancy

A man asks his doctor, "Can I have sex with my wife during her pregnancy?"

The doctor replies, "Yes, the first 3 months will be just like normal style."

"OK." says the man.

"The next three months you should do it doggy style..."

"Yeah... OK!"

"And the last three months you should do it like tiger style."

The man replies, "Tiger Style?? What's that?"

The doctor explains, "Tiger Woods style... Sleep with other women."

Sardar

A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he had gone to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said:'Fill Up In Capital.'.

Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth. Why?
Because his doctor advised him:
'Today's dinner should be light !'

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

What does a sardar do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Why can't sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.

Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar: Drink quickly.
Wife: Why?
Sardar: Hot coffee Rs 5 and cold coffee Rs 10

Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

Sardar news: A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says 'Chin Yu Yan' and dies. Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.It is 'You are standing on the oxygen tube!'

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife: What you are doing?
Sardar: I am seeing how I look while sleeping’’