At an interview

At a Job Interview 💡

OFFICER:- What is your name?

Me :-  M.P. sir

OFFICER:- In full please

Me:-  Marvin Paul

OFFICER:- Your father's name?

Me:-  M.P. sir

OFFICER:- What does that mean?

Me:-  Martin Paul

OFFICER:- What is your qualification?

Me:-  M.P.

OFFICER:- (angry) What is that?!!!

Me:-  Maths and Physics

OFFICER:- So why do you need a job?

Me:-   It is because of M.P. sir

OFFICER:   Meaning?

Me:-  Money Problem

OFFICER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?

Me:    MP sir.

OFFICER:   And what is that?

Me:-  Marvelous Personality

OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.

Me:-  Sir, how was M.P. sir?

OFFICER:- And what's that again?

Me:-   My Performance.

OFFICER:-  I think you have M.P.

Me:-   What’s that?

OFFICER:-  Mental Problem!!!

Don't laugh alone.
Send this to M.P. (Many People) those are saved in your M.P. (Mobile Phone)
to put a smile on their faces.

I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My People)
😜🤡😜🤡

All about Ah Beng

Ah Beng standing below a light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light!'  😃

On a romantic date, Ah Beng' 's gf asked him:
'Darling, On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure, What's your phone no.?'   😀

Ah Beng found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
He replied, what ever u order first will come first.
😀

A Teacher told all her students to write an essay about a cricket match.
All the students got busy writing except Ah Beng.
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'    😀

Ah Beng & wife bought coffee at a shop.
Ah Beng drank it quickly before it got cold.
His wife ask why did he drink it so fast?
Ah Beng: Hot coffee cost $5 & cold cost $10.
😀

What happens when Ah Beng's wife delivers twins????
He did not sleep d whole night thinking who is the father of the second child. 😝

Manager asked Ah Beng at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Ah Beng replied:
P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
😃

After returning from a foreign trip,  Ah Beng asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! But Why?
Ah Beng: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
😁😉

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, and it caught fire, how will you escape?
Ah Beng: it's simple. I will stop my Imagination!!!
😝😜✌

Ah Beng enquired about his bill from his mobile provider, How much?
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know your current bill status.
Ah Beng: Stupid! not my CURRENT BILL, my MOBILE BILL.
🙌👉😝😁

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, PROPHET MUHAMMAD and BUDDHA?"
Ah Beng: "All are born on government holidays..!
😭😂✨

Sir: What is the difference between an Orange and an Apple?
Ah Beng: The color of an orange is Orange, but the color of an Apple is not APPLE
👏✋😜😝✨

Dont laugh alone if you find is funny then share 😉😜

Only in Australia

This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney .

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers 'Yes',he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.

Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'

Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'

DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.'

Contestant: 'Brian.'

DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'

Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'

DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'

Brian: 'Sara.'

DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'

Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'

DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'

DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'

Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well.....'

DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?'

Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'

DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.'

Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'

DJ: 'Okay.. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'

DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'

Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks...'

DJ: 'Uh huh...'

Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'

DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up.

[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?'

(Touch tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: 'Kinkos.'

DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'

Clerk: 'This is she.'

DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'

Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'

DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'

Sarah: 'No.'

DJ: 'Good!'

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.'

DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'

Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'

DJ: 'What time?'

Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'

DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'

Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'

DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'Where did you have it?'

Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'

Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'

DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'

Sarah: 'Well...'

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

Sarah: 'Up the arse.....'

They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have a heart attack , he could not stop laughing..

Apparently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation, for minor traffic collisions.

Cancer

PLEASE SPARE 10 MINUTES TO READ THIS. AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY (TRY IS THE KEY WORD) AND ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHN HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY.

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.
8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

CANCER CELLS FEED ON:a. Sugar, is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like Nutrasweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful.

A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt. ( THE WEST MADE US 2 CHANGE FROM SEA 2 WHITE IODISED SALT )

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soya milk cancer cells are being starved.

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water- best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrified and leads to more toxic buildup.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Florssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins,minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind,body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, un forgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

PLEASE READ ON

1. No plastic containers in micro.

2.. No water bottles in freezer.

3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkinshas recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at WalterReedArmyMedicalCenteras well. Dioxin chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.

Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at CastleHospitalwas on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat.

He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as CorningWare, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin.

So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, CorningWare, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.

Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

This is an article that should be sent to all in your life and that’s why I am putting it in this Blog for the benefit of all of you.

My very first photo

Is he human?

There’s something wrong with my penid

Philip, a 63 year old retiree visited Dr Lim & Tan Clinic. A crowd of 15 was waiting at the reception.

The receptionist, Jill, asked, 'Yes Sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my private part', Philip replied.

Jill became irritated, 'You shouldn't say embarrassing things in front of my patients.'

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I answered you,' Philip replied.

Jill warned, 'It’s embarrassing!You should reply there is something wrong with your ear or something and wants to discuss the problem further with the doctor in private.'

Philip argued, 'You shouldn't ask walked-in patients questions, in a room full of strangers, if the answers embarrass the crowd.’

Phil left the clinic. Several minutes, he returned.

Jill forced a smile and asked, 'Yes?'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' Philip replied.

Jill nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice,  'What is wrong with your ear please?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

_The waiting room erupted in laughter._

Meeting old friends at KRPM

It was nice catching up with old friends and colleagues , Mike Choo, William Seing and BumBeng Tey over a morning round at Kelab Rahman Putra today.

The human equation

A friend send this human equation to me recently. I find it enlightening.....

Human = Eat+Sleep+Work+Enjoy.
Donkey=Eat+Sleep.
Therefore, Human=Donkey+Work+Enjoy.
Therefore, Human - Enjoy=Donkey+Work.

In other words, a human that doesn't know how to enjoy is really a donkey that works.

Tech support for love

👇 Ha ha heh heh ... hilarious & creative 🤣👍💪🥰  .....

"Shared by a friend

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke.

Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate


The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2.

Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

 In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck

Tech Support Team "

Sunset at Marina’s central park

Specially for senior citizens

Understanding woman

Springtime in Miri

It is a pleasure driving along Jalan Padang Kerbau at the moment as the Tecoma (I my be wrong on this name) trees lining a quarter of the route are in full bloom.

Am incident with a Bee

Sabah style black Kolo mee

Breakfast today was sabah style black Kolo mee with mixed pork soup at Wang Xiang, Marina Parkcity ph1.

Japanese Sex

The Senior Citizen

After the death of an elderly man’s wife, he remarried a young woman.

After sometime spoke to his friends “I pass time with you happily but my poor wife gets bored at home.”

Friends advised him to keep a young tenant at home, your wife shall be happy in the company of the tenant.

The elderly man promptly acted on their advise.

After sometime the friends jokingly asked “How is your wife now?”

He happily told “She is pregnant”

Friends laughed in their heart and further asked “How is the tenant?”

The man replied very soberly “She is also pregnant.”

Never underestimate the power of - Senior Citizen.

The coffee tree

Cappuccino? Latte? Mocha? Flat White?  Americano? Long Black? Expresso? So what the f**k is the difference?

Then I went to Zeppelin for dinner last nite and the cloud slightly disappeared, I had the Roulade of chicken for dinner. Very nice.

But it is the ‘coffee tree’ that attracted my attention.....

The Roulade of chicken.

The ‘Coffee Tree’

S.O.S

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h in 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus flight, boring flight isn’t it? Take care and have a look here!”

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, only to swoop down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now have a look here!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After five minutes, the Airbus pilot radioed, "Well, what are you saying now?"

The jet pilot asks confused: "What did you do?" The other laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back of the flight to the bathroom, got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon cake and made an appointment with the stewardess for the next three nights - in a 5 Star hotel, which is paid for by my employer. "

The moral of the story is:
When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, comfort and peace are not to be despised either.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, Smarter.

Dedicated to all my friends who like me likes the S.O.S. approach! ✈️

The mobile phone

Wife told husband:

"After you finished watering the plants, we need to talk about something I saw in your mobile phone."
🙏🙏

After 4 hours, husband still watering the garden.
 😁

A new kind of Pets

Last Tuesday Last Tuesday, I got myself a new kind of Pets - Kelulut (stingless bees). Two logs installed. Maintenance free. The Pet needs no food nor water.  Feeling excited with this new hobby....

Spoiling myself

today, I felt like spoiling myself. So lunch was fresh butter milk lobster fried rice @ Lavender Cafe.

On opening a new store

you will love it😜

Two White Men in New York were standing around and taking a break in their soon-to-be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, and didn't even have the shelves set up.

One commented to the other,
"I bet any minute now some Chinaman is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old Chinese man walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,
"Vat ya sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically,
"We're selling idiots."

*Without skipping a beat, the old Chinese man answered,*

*"Must be doing well, only two left !!!*

👌😉😁😂🤣

On fund raising

😍Can not stop laughing, after reading this.

😇😂🤣😅🤣😅🤣😅🤣😅
❗❗❗❗❗❗

An old church in a village in Brazil was leaking and the walls were almost collapsing. After the service the Padre asked the worshipers if they could organize a fundraising to rebuild the church...

He told them to contribute whatever God has blessed each and everyone of them with. If you have some money, you can bring the money. If you earn a living by selling tomatoes in the market, you can bring the tomatoes and they get them auctioned to raise the money... If you operate a hardware it would be even better; you can bring some nails and iron sheets for the roof... whatever you have. Eventually, it was the day of fundraising and worshippers came out in large numbers, some with money in their pockets, others with goods depending on their jobs and sources of livelihood... They were met by a strange sight; a coffin at the entrance of the church!...Gosh! Who had died?... but then again it was on a Sunday and funeral services were never conducted on Sundays.... What was going on?

People started talking in whispers asking what was the meaning of it...they started pointing fingers to an old man seated at a corner; he was the coffin maker... Some looked at him in open hostility, but he didn't mind them... the Padre had said that people should bring whatever God has blessed you with, right?... and he was a coffin maker...

After the service it was time to raise funds ; those who had money contributed, hardware people gave iron sheets and other building equipments and materials; tomato traders had brought their tomatoes which were auctioned away... Finally, the coffin maker dragged his coffin to the front of the church and stood still... people gasped and fell silent... you could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly an old man, a friend of the coffin maker stood up... he offered 15,000 for the coffin on behalf of the padre... said he was buying it for the padre... The Padre shot up so fast with eyes wide open....his lips suddenly very dry. He quickly offered 20,000 for the coffin on behalf of the leader of CWA (Catholic women Association). The Lady nearly stumbled as she sprang to her feet looking so shocked at seeing her coffin... "No! no! no!" She shouted, "it is not mine! ...I ...I ... I..will buy it for the Catechist!... 30,000 please!... please! The Catechist nearly peed on himself. He turned to look at her angrily as if to ask "do you want to kill me?!" Clearly nobody wanted the coffin and it kept on being passed around until finally another old rich man stood and said that he is offering 100,000 for the coffin and he is buying it on behalf of the coffin maker...

The coffin maker took his coffin and returned it to his shop....smiling.

The coffin maker, someone who was looked down upon, someone whom people jeered that he benefits from the misfortunes of others, raised the greatest amount of money for the church without contributing even a single coin.

You can serve God in many different ways. Perhaps people belittle you until you see yourself as a nobody.... but God wants you just the way you are. He will turn your shame into honor.

On almost having an affair

Signs of aging

Signs of aging -
Written by a confident lady ...😄

After a meeting, I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room, it wasn't there too.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.

My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them .......
His theory is the car will be stolen if left at the ignition key slot !

Immediately, I rushed to the parking lot and came to a terrifying conclusion .....
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty 😱😞😞.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, description of the car, place I parked, etc. I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that the car had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband,
 I left my keys in the car .... and it has been stolen."

There was a big silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, and happy as well, I said, "Well, then pls come and get me."

He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman, that I have not stolen your car." 😁😁

Don't laugh alone 😄😄😅😅😂😂

Send to other husbands or wives because ....
So many things go wrong daily, and you can't blame yourself  all the times 😉😊😆

Never ever give up

On viagra and silicone

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

Quote of the year
by a Nobel Prize winner in Medicine:

"In today's world, we invested five times more on medicines for male virility and silicone for women than on the cure for Alzheimer.

In a few years from now, we will have old women with big boobs and old men with well erected penis, but neither of them will remember what that is for."
🙄

On Retirement

Life is like a dick

Malaysian english

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc

British English vs. Msian English

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons : I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Msians : No stock

RETURNING A CALL
Britons : Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Msians : Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons : Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
Msians : S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons : Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me
Msians : No need lah

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Msians : (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons : Please make yourself right at home
Msians : No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money
Msians : Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons : I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind
Msians : Don't want lah

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons : Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue
Msians : You mad ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here
Msians : Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
Msians : See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons : We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
Msians : Die lah!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons : Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Msians : What happened ah? Why like that one lah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons : This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you
Msians : Like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons : Would you mind not disturbing me?
Msians : Celaka lu!😳

Send this to your Msian friends & let them have a laugh too. 😂

Msians : Sent oredi mah!

Same sex marraige

 Bruce and Barry  got married in Canberra (because they could do it there).

They couldn't  afford a honeymoon, so they went back to Bruce's Mum and Dad's house for their  first married night together.

In the morning,  Johnny, Bruce's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going  out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum: ‘Are Bruce and Barry up  yet?’.

She replies,  'No'.

Johnny comments,  'Do you know what I think?'

His mum replies,  'I don't want to hear what you think!  Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home  for lunch and asks his mum, 'Are Bruce and Barry up yet?'

She replies,  'No..'

Johnny says, 'Do  you know what I think?'

His mum replies,  'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to  school.'

After school,  Johnny comes home and asks again: 'Are Bruce and Barry up yet?'

Again his mum  replies somewhat more agitated: 'No!'

He says, 'Do you  know what I think?'

His mum replies,  'OK, damn it, tell me what you think!'

He says: 'Well, last night Bruce came to my room for some Vaseline . . . and I gave him my super glue!' 🤣