Humor in the Court

Lawyer: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Expert Witness : Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Lawyer : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Expert Witness : All of them...the living ones put up too much of a fight.

Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Expert Witness : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Lawyer: And the man was dead at the time?
Expert Witness: If he was not dead, he would be dead by the time I finished autopsy.

Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Expert Witness: No.

Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Expert Witness : No.

Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Expert Witness: No.

Lawyer: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Expert Witness: No.

Lawyer: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Expert Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Lawyer: I see, but could the patient be still alive nevertheless?
Expert Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.