Woman's English

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need ...... = I want
I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Whatever! Go ahead = I don’t want you to
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course I’m upset you moron
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you’re dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
Your so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now and it’s not that!
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you’re really not going to like