Shorties

Miscellaneous contributions...............
Wife: Honey.... What are You Looking for ?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.

Q : What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A : One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you no matter WHO left you a fortune"

Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
He then replies: "Thanks for the warning."

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me; my pretty face or my body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.”