Little Johnny 1

1. TEACHER : Why are you late?
LITTLE JOHNNY : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
LITTLE JOHNNY : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

2. TEACHER : Little Johnny, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
LITTLE JOHNNY : You told me to do it without using tables!

3. TEACHER : Little Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
LITTLE JOHNNY : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
LITTLE JOHNNY : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

4. TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
LITTLE JOHNNY : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
LITTLE JOHNNY : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

5. TEACHER : Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
LITTLE JOHNNY : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Little Johnny!

6. TEACHER : Little Johnny, name one important thing we have today that we didn'thave ten years ago.
LITTLE JOHNNY : Me!

7. TEACHER : Little Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
LITTLE JOHNNY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

8. LITTLE JOHNNY : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
LITTLE JOHNNY : Your name on this report card.

9. TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
LITTLE JOHNNY : Don't bite any.

10. TEACHER : Little Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
LITTLE JOHNNY : I is...
TEACHER : No, Little Johnny. Always say, "I am."
LITTLE JOHNNY : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

11. TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
LITTLE JOHNNY : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, sametime."

12. TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherrytree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn'tpunish him?"
LITTLE JOHNNY : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

13. LITTLE JOHNNY : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
LITTLE JOHNNY : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

14. TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green andone is blue with red spots!
LITTLE JOHNNY : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

15. TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,what virtue would I be showing?
LITTLE JOHNNY : Brotherly love?

16. TEACHER : Now, Little Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
LITTLE JOHNNY : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

17. TEACHER : Little Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
LITTLE JOHNNY : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

18. TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
LITTLE JOHNNY : A teacher