The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for commonwords. And the winners are:
Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one hasgained.
Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only anightgown.
Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been runover by a steamroller.
Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline..
Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies uponto the roof and gets stuck there.
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