Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a psychiatrist and told him. . . 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared.. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..'
‘How much do you charge?'
‘One hundred and eighty dollars per visit,' replied the expert.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later, he met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, one hundred and eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for 20 bucks! I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new car!'
'Is that so?' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'
So..........................GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Real Love
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands...........
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands...........
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Jiezi Ancient Town
Spent an afternoon in Jiezi Ancient Town to admire some of the old architectures and gain an appreciation of the lifestyle and culture of the local folks. Qiute interesting. Thanks Oakwook Residences for organising such an educational and interesting trip.
A pity I will not be able to join you on the upcoming trip to Xiling Snow Mountain - I sincerely hope that the snows have fallen (but I doubted very much as I think it is a bit too early in the year!).
A pity I will not be able to join you on the upcoming trip to Xiling Snow Mountain - I sincerely hope that the snows have fallen (but I doubted very much as I think it is a bit too early in the year!).
Jiuzhaigou Revisited
Went to Jiuzhaigou on the 3rd week of October hoping to see some colourful autumn leaves. A bit disappointed as the colours were not as dramatic as expected........just a bit of yellow, a bit of red, a bit of purple here and there.
The views were, however, as fantastic as ever..................
Different Views on Life
.A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a man who's not a creep
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks
I pray he's rich and self-employed
And when I spend, won't be annoyed
Pull out my chair and hold my hand
Massage my feet and help me stand
Oh, send a king to make me queen
A man who loves to cook and clean
I pray this man will love no other
And relish visits with my mother...
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac
With big tits & who owns a bar on a golf course
suck my cigar while I smoke my pipe
And loves to send me fishing and drinking...
This doesn't rhyme
But I don't give a shit!
Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a man who's not a creep
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks
I pray he's rich and self-employed
And when I spend, won't be annoyed
Pull out my chair and hold my hand
Massage my feet and help me stand
Oh, send a king to make me queen
A man who loves to cook and clean
I pray this man will love no other
And relish visits with my mother...
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac
With big tits & who owns a bar on a golf course
suck my cigar while I smoke my pipe
And loves to send me fishing and drinking...
This doesn't rhyme
But I don't give a shit!
Negotiation Strategy
The maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”
Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “Jor hozban did.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.”
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”
Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Maria: “Jor hozban did.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.”
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
Thursday, November 8, 2012
What is life about?
What is life about?
1 - At one, YOU are the top priority
10 - At ten, academic excellence is the top priority
20 -At twenty, getting dates is the top priority
30 - At thirty, a good career is top priority
40 -At forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority
50 - At fifty, beating others at mahjong is top priority
60 - At sixty, keeping IT up is top priority
70 - At seventy, remembering something is top priority
80 - At eighty, moving around is top priority
90 - At ninety, knowing directions is top priority
100 - At 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!
Wishing you all happiness! Be good !
1 - At one, YOU are the top priority
10 - At ten, academic excellence is the top priority
20 -At twenty, getting dates is the top priority
30 - At thirty, a good career is top priority
40 -At forty, keeping your body in shape is top priority
50 - At fifty, beating others at mahjong is top priority
60 - At sixty, keeping IT up is top priority
70 - At seventy, remembering something is top priority
80 - At eighty, moving around is top priority
90 - At ninety, knowing directions is top priority
100 - At 100, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!
Wishing you all happiness! Be good !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)